im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
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You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
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Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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