i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
