erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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