Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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