its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
