fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
