I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
