Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
How does one acquire holy water?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
