Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
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First date: that requires underwear, huh?
should my penis look like a turkey
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The feeling are messing with the penis
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"