She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.