My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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