Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
