Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
