Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
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