quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
