Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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