i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
