just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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