I just threw up on my dentist
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
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