My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
