his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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