I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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