Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
