what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
