I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
