Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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