I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Small penises have feelings too.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
