How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
