I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
