Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
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I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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