Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
