I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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