I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
