but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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