I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
