WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
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