dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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