I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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