i already hear my dad disowning me
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
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It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
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Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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