Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
