Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What drink are we having for lunch?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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