in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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