I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
