And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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