I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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