Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
