I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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