You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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