In the future we'll all be gay
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
