Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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