dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
