Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
