woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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