she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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