I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
