is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
