Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
