i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
