hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize