K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
what the fuck happened to the tacos
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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