totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Well I just put wine in my tea
don't judge my taste in strippers
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
