just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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