Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
