Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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