Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
