just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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