She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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