Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you inspire me to be a worse person
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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