JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
