I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
