I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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