can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
