my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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